By Mukami Rwamba Mwaura via FB
My Name is Nelius Mukami and Depression is the most expensive thing I own !
Living with Depression , Anxiety and ADHD is one of the hardest thing I have had to do in my life . It has taken alot from me and it continues taking . It takes so much effort just to avoid it and it still finds me even in my happiest of days and in my solitude.
Somedays even finding the strength to wake up in the morning and be functional is difficult but nobody understands that it takes everything in me just to drag myself out of bed .
Depression continues to rob me of experiences , memories and people . I try not to allow it overcome me but it still finds a way in . Coupled with Pain and Trauma ,Depression continues to be the most expensive thing I own . I find myself feeling broken and unworthy . I have lost so many parts of myself sometimes I stare in the mirror and I cannot recognise who I am anymore .
I have big dreams and big plans and great ambition but I am always hestitant to publish an article , Post a YouTube Video or even a simple photo .My Anxiety always manages to convince me that the work is not good enough and that I am not Good Enough, It tells me that people will see me as a fraud and realise I am not as good as I think . I do not feeling worthy of the compliments and the achievements.
It has taken me alot of strength and courage just to write and share this post. My Mental Health journey has been a huge rollercoaster and very hard to explain because not many will understand. People think its a state of mind that you can just shake off with enough motivation but it is not ….atleast not for me .
Everyday that I live am grateful , Everyday that I get out of bed and take a shower even leave the house is a great win for me . I know deep down that I am not broken and I am worthy .I know there is still so much for me to conquer. I have spent so much time Grieving the person I was and forgetten to be grateful for the woman am becoming. I am a work in progress .
I am not going to give up fighting for myself within my own mind . I will not let Depression take my joy away ….Everyday I will strive to focus on Who I am and who I want to be .
I will strive to shed off the weight of depression
#mentalhealth #Depression #mentalhealthawareness